Motherhood and the screen

This week I got a message from a mum who bought our nappies a year or more ago. I remember her well. I went to her house here in Knysna because she wanted to understand more about cloth nappies and how they were used. She was keen to make the switch but felt intimidated.

So I took along flats (we still made them back then and plan to do so again soon), as well as the Snappit Pro system. Flats used to be the most popular nappy many years ago. It's the square piece of fabric that's folded into a triangle-style fold and then fastened with a little plastic clip called a Snappy. The absorbency and trim fit of this style are superior to anything else you'll find on the cloth nappy market. And the ease of use is undeniable once you've got the hang of it, but there is a learning curve.

I found over the years, as online shopping became more popular, that products which appeared difficult to use "on a screen" tended to stop selling so well. I believe flats were one of those products. Times have changed a lot, and it feels like online shoppers are quick to judge a product based on how it looks. It must be "easy". I get it.

So as time moved on, the fitted style of nappy became a lot more popular, as did the Snappit-style systems. That day I honestly thought she would lean towards the snap-in style, but she didn't. She took to flats. I was so pleased, as flats are very close to my heart. I clothed both my boys in flats 99% of the time. We started and grew the business on this style of nappy.

The mum purchased her set of flats and off she went. She took to it like a duck to water.She left Knysna and moved away with her little family, only to pop up again in my WhatsApp this week with news of her second baby and a request for some nappy advice. This is the best kind of message for me. After the nappy talk she went on to tell me how much she enjoyed my newsletters. She used the words "inspiring", "insightful" and "amazing". She encouraged me to continue putting my thoughts on this page; that my voice is not small and that it does indeed reach mums out there who need some support and encouragement.

It brought me to tears that day, sitting in my car listening to her voice note.

I often feel alone in this journey of motherhood. And she confirmed that there are many more mums who feel the same. And this is why I write.

The world has changed so much in the last 10 years. The digital nature of life feels, for me, so overwhelming and consuming. From the growing concerns around social media and young minds, to the endless scrolling I see from almost everyone around me 24/7, to school WhatsApp groups dominating my feed and changing plans left, right and centre as if I don't have a job, to my work being solely reliant on me being online all the time. There is no end. The phone is at the centre of absolutely everything now.

Motherhood is not the same as it was.

I sometimes feel alone in my views around no phones and no iPads and definitely no Youtube for my boys. My oldest boy is 10, and he is one of only two children in his class of 30 who doesn't own a digital device. The pressure is there and it`s already very tough. And it's only going to get harder. That much we know. He understands and accepts our rules. He gets it. We talk about it all the time to them. They notice the behaviour of kids whose lives are dominated by the screen. They see what we see.

Navigating raising children today is a very different ball game to what it was when I began. Many of the skills that seemed to come naturally to childhood years ago now require much more intentional effort from parents. Respect for elders, getting along with siblings, learning how to disagree fairly, solving problems and making good decisions all need to be taught and practised. Yet so much of children's free time is now spent on devices.I often wonder what the long-term impact of that will be. What I do know is that I want my boys to have plenty of opportunities to develop those skills in the real world, through conversations, play, friendships, sport and family life. Time together is what matters the most to us.

To the mum who messaged me this week, thank you. You know who you are. You inspired me to keep expressing my thoughts here. Your voice will forever be a voice in my head now - telling me to carry on pushing.

I'm going to stick to my guns and be the parent I know is right for our family. My boys are two of very few who voluntarily play sport in the afternoons, dig holes in the garden get dirty and are happy to sit at a restaurant table and simply talk to us. Mornings before school they race to get the time outside to play hand tennis.

We put our time and effort into them every single day, doing our best to raise smart, socially adaptable, thoughtful young gentlemen who are happy within themselves.

It really pays off.